Good In The Chaos

The house is a mess.

The laundry is piling up.

I should probably clean these glass doors that have more than a smudge or two on them.

Our bedroom: atrocious.

The floors need a good cleaning.

Switching out the girls' seasonal clothes has been going on longer than I'd like to admit.

As the girls are getting older, they're getting involved more with friends, school, and activities.  Bill has been busy with different aspects of work.  I oftentimes feel torn between what I need to and what I want to do.

Those of you who know me personally know how much I love my husband.  It's kind of ridiculous.  Yet this same man that I love completely is the same man who can drive me the most crazy.  That's fun.  I would say that this season of our lives have been the hardest (even more difficult than having a newborn!) - just even in these last couple of months.  

It's a struggle at the moment to find the time to communicate and spend time with each other.  When we're both running on empty, our patience is less than stellar for each other and our girls.  At the same time, amazing things are happening with friends and family - and God is working.  Bill and I are in a fantastic place to see life stories change, and we're excited to be along for the ride.

Instead of focusing on all the things that I should or could be doing,

today I will be thankful.

Life cannot be taken too seriously when your favorite dresses like this:

And despite the everyday struggles, there are these fantastic little people that forgive their mother's imperfections time and time again:

Despite all of the pull my hair out moments, there is happiness.

In the midst of the daily chaos, there is good.

Through the bickering, there is laughter.

I am thankful for the Love that carries me day in and day out.

Mom Of The Year

Sorry, ladies - I just won.

Our Gianna loves jumping on the trampoline.  In fact, all our girls do.  Evangeline loves it when everyone sits on the trampoline and watches her "jump" (no simultaneous jumping for Evy), but I'm sure she'll be bouncing like crazy once she gets slightly bigger and more coordinated.

Two weeks ago, Gianna was stepping down after a trampoline session and missed a step.  She landed on her arm and immediately started crying.  Gianna doesn't cry easily when she's hurt so we knew the ground probably gave her a good hit.  After a few hours of icing her arm and keeping it still, she was back to her old self - outside play, swimming lessons, soccer practices, etc.

She fell twice at soccer practice one night and started complaining that it hurt again.  I thought she was being dramatic.  Bill decided to take her to the doctor.  Our pediatrician is fantastic.  He told Bill that her arm was probably badly sprained or bruised.  He didn't think it was likely that it was broken, but he wanted us to see the orthopedic surgeon - just in case.

I took Gianna to the specialist that afternoon.  As soon as I saw the x-ray, I knew -
but I was hoping deep down I wasn't right.

The doctor was so very sweet and compassionate when he told me that Gianna's arm was in fact broken.  I promise I tried to hold back the tears so when we were talking,
and he looked over - he looked so surprised,

What's wrong?  She's fine!  Don't cry.  Here's a tissue.

Gianna walked over, climbed in my lap, and rubbed my back - reassuring ME that it was ok that SHE had a broken arm.  What in the world?

We're so thankful that it's not a bad break and that she doesn't need a cast.  She has to wear a sling until she's completely healed.  The saddest thing was Gianna's expression when the doctor said no sports.  The girl loves her sports.

So I apologize, girls:

if you were vying for Mother of The Year, I've got it hands down -

the mom who let her daughter run around & play with a broken arm.  For two weeks.

High five.

Not My Most Favorite Day Of The Year

real life

Yesterday marked the big day - when summer officially made its exit.  Three of our girls are in elementary school now, and my heart aches even typing that sentence.  I'm a soft, emotional pile of gushiness when it comes to these tiny (some not so tiny) beings.  I don't think I'll ever be able to shake that quality - even though they continue to grow & change by the minute.

Isabella woke up first (thankfully after I was dressed & had my first cup of coffee in hand).  I would say she was the most excited of the three.  First of all - she's a big girl now (apparently you get big girl status when you turn five years old).  Secondly, she's in Kindergarten (only big girls allowed in there).  And most importantly, she's going to school with her sister Gianna

(I'm so excited about riding the bus, Mom!).

Gianna and Espy followed suit - having breakfast and getting ready for the day.  All of them tolerated the photo shoot(s?) I put them through which I'm always thankful for.  As mom, I'm official memory keeper of the family so we will be taking pictures every first day of school

(sorry in advance, girls).

A good friend asked if I cry every year.  That I do, at some point of the process - even if I will myself not to.  Yesterday it was during breakfast.  Evangeline was still asleep, but her sisters were eating breakfast & chit chatting about their new teachers, classes, and friends - no bottles, no diapers, no random crying - just three girls having breakfast together.  I had to go into the kitchen and have a moment -

a moment to enjoy their sweetness with each other

a moment to be thankful for their unique selves

a moment to forever remember them just as they were:

hair tousled, pajamas wrinkled, and eyes brightened with thoughts of a new day

not a fan of the first day of school

Isabella Talk

There's something about the ages of three and four that make discussions awesome and funny most of the time.  Or maybe it's just our four-year old's personality?  At any rate, please enjoy these fantastic conversations that we've had with our Isabella the last few weeks or so:

ISA: Mom, when are we going to get a new baby?

ME: A baby in my belly?

ISA: Yes.

ME: Oh, we're not going to have any more babies in my belly.

ISA: But, why?  When I was at Tita and Tito's house, I was watching when they were getting married.  Guess what?  I saw Gianna in your belly.  But how did she get in there?

ME: God put her there.

ISA: But how did she gonna come out?

ME: This way.

ISA: Oh!  Did you cry?

ME: No, I just pushed really hard.

ISA: You should just bang on the top of your head so she can come out.

ME: You're funny, Isabella.

ISA: I wish I could color the wall.
ME: No, Isabella.
ISA: Why not?
ME: It'll be pretty!
ISA: No, thank you.

ISA: When's the next baby coming, Mom?  I like all these babies.

ISA: Caillou's mom has boobies.
ME: That's because she's a grown-up girl.
ISA: Do you have boobies, Mom?
ME: Do I?
ISA: Yes - that's because you're a girl.
ME: You're right, Isabella.  Mommy is a girl.

LOLA: Isabella, did you find the ring I bought you?
ISA: No!  I don't know where it is!
LOLA: It's ok.  It's just a ring.
ISA: But I need it for when I growed up and get married.

ME: Isabella, stop messing with Baby Jonathan.
ISA: I...{shrugs shoulders} just love him.

ISA: Mommy, look at me - do I look fascinating?

ME: Are you all done in the bathroom, Isabella?
ISA: Yes!  Do you smell it?

ISA: I wish you could be a real mom.
ME: What do you mean?
ISA: Real moms don't spank children.

Just for my girl:
Sweet Isabella,
You bring sunshine into my day, and you don't even know it.  I'm sorry when I get easily frustrated with you, or don't make the time for you that I should.  I think you're amazing no matter what.  I love you, and I'm so happy God let me be your mom.  Never lose how much you love life and how most everything makes you happy & excited.  You are my most favorite Isabella ever.
Love you forever,
Mom

Memory Keeper

One of the main reasons I blog is to remember life for me and our family - at the moment.  I so easily forget things from one day to the next, but I want to make sure our girls have something to look back on when they're older.  We take a bazillion and one pictures, but I'm not the best at organizing said pictures & getting them into albums (please don't ask me how many years I am behind). 

I certainly don't want to hold those memories hostage with my intent

to scrapbook so instead, I blog.

When I'm old and (more) forgetful, I want the girls to be able to see that their mom used to be young once.  I want them to see that their mom was very much in love with their father.  I want them to know that their mom just may understand what they're feeling & what they're going through.  I want them to realize that their mom tried her best to love God & other people
the way that He continually loves her.

When it's hard for our girls to remember, I want them to have a place

where they can be reminded of:

how much their dad & I did in fact love them

(albeit sometimes imperfectly, but it was love nonetheless)

the meals their mom cooked from time to time (that they sometimes enjoyed!)

the things they used to say and do

what made us laugh

and what made us cry

the places we went

the people we spent time with

and the memories we made together

One day, they will be all grown up and have lives separate from ours (sigh).  They may even have children of their own (many many many years from now).  When that happens - I hope they, too, will find a way to tuck all of those memories they make into a forever place

to visit from time to time.

Miss Mommy*

November 2010

December 2012

My mom is amazing.

Proof: here and here.

Not only that, Bill's mom is fantastic as well.

I have awesome mentors.

In addition to savvy advisers, God has surrounded me with other moms to walk with on this journey.  Some have older children, others are in the same boat as me, and still others have recently boarded this roller coaster ride known as motherhood.

Bill is ridiculously good in his role as husband, father, and best friend - however he has no idea what it's like to be a mom.  I don't fault him for that.

However, that void is filled with friends who I can reach out to in a heartbeat who have the right

words, hugs, smiles, tears, prayers,

or a combination of all of the above to help me realize:

I'm not in this alone.

Their reassurance, encouragement, empathy, and love keep me going when I'm sometimes at my wit's end.  They are amazing and beautiful inside and out, and I'm thankful for each and every one.

Happy Mother's Day to all the Miss Mommies*.

You are a gift to your children.

You are a gift to me.

*

Dear Evangeline,

You have recently decided to call me Miss Mommy.  Perhaps you hear the children I take care of call me Miss Grace?  At any rate, it's kind of cute and I'm kind of a fan - unless you make it a permanent thing. Don't do that - it would make me sad.

Love you forever, 

Mom

To My Girls

May 2013

So a friend and I were having a conversation on Facebook.  You will probably have one of these one day - that along with a whole array of social media at your fingertips.  That makes my head spin slightly, but we'll come to that road when we get to it.

You need to know how I feel about you - all the time, but that might get lost in the hustle and bustle of our everyday.  I hope that you do know how I feel, though - how much your dad and I love you - more importantly, how much God loves you.

That is what is so amazing about the Gospel. Amazing! That is what I want my focus to be - that is what I want our girls to learn from us. It seems more often than not, that the church places a huge amount of emphasis on purity in the sexual area. I want the girls to know that God calls us to be pure in all aspects of our lives - physically, mentally, spiritually. Those who know me know how much I enjoy my husband. I want our girls to recognize that. I don't want them to idolize sex (our culture does a great job of that on its own). At the same time, I don't want them to be terrified of it. I want them to love their husband(s) as much if not more than their mom loves their dad (and vice versa). As a mother of these sweet, precious girls - I'm fighting fiercely for their self-confidence & their self-esteem. I want them to celebrate how God made them inside and out - how amazing and wonderful that there is no one else that is like them. There never has been, and there never will be. They don't have to measure up to that which our culture demands. God thinks they're fantastic just the way they are. I want them to know that nothing they ever do (or don't do) will change how much their God loves them - the same goes with me and their dad. We will fail them in that area because we are imperfect, but God never will. I want them to embrace that their self-worth is not wrapped up in a list of dos and don'ts. As a lover of lists myself, I can so easily get caught up in what I'm "supposed" to be doing and not doing. However, I want our focus to be the amazing love of Jesus Christ and showing that love to others. (...Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’... -Matthew 22:37-39)

I love you so very much - really, it's a ridiculous amount.  You might not think that when I'm mad or upset or when I start cleaning like crazy because the house is a mess, but I do.

I will love you forever - no matter what.

A Day In The Life

I'm thankful and privileged to get to hang out with these cuties throughout the week:

Isabella agrees:

I wish we could keep him, Mom.  I wish.

Why?

Because - he's just. SO. cute.!

You're a great babysitter, Mom

Thanks, honey.

Mom, what's a babysitter?

It really is awesome -

even when our home looks like this:

I Might Throw Up

always a party in Isabella-land 

Even though they're sisters, each of the girls have such unique and different personalities.  With one phrase or gesture, I can see myself in an instant.  In the very next moment, they are clearly their father's daughters.  On the way home from preschool today, Isabella simultaneously displayed her flair for dramatics (her mother) while fully utilizing her bathroom words (her father).

We had the windows down because it was a nice spring-like day.  (Apparently no one told tomorrow's forecast that because it's supposed to snow - crazy Virginia weather.)  A few landscapers were doing some work near Isabella's preschool.  

All of a sudden from the back of the van - I hear,

MOM!  What is that smell?  Change their diapers!  I think I'm going to throw up.  I think I really am!

I responded with,

It's mulch, honey.  It helps keep plants healthy and yards looking nice.

It smells like poo.  I think it really smells like poo (covers face with shirt).
Does it turn into poo, Mom?  Do you think someone pooted?  Are you sure it's not somebody's diaper?

I'm pretty sure it's the mulch outside.

Is it gone yet?  (takes a big sniff).
Oh, thank goodness.  That was horrible.

I was having a meeting at church.  Isabella decided to join us and started conversing with a couple:

How old are you Isabella?

Four.  I just had a birthday.

(Her birthday was seven months ago.)

Did you do anything special for your birthday?

Yes! (pause) I blew out candles!

Some friends of ours watched our two little ones while we went to a wedding:
Do you know my name?

Isabella, duh!

No, it's Isabella.  You almost got it!

This is why it's hard for me to discipline our third child (usually).  Don't worry, Bill and I are fully capable and typically do - but oftentimes we need to leave the room first to get
our poker faces on so that she'll take us seriously.

I love you forever, Isabella.

...and Parenthood Continues To Squeeze My Soul

my own personal version of Parenthood

Tuesdays provide many opportunities to develop patience - for both me and the husband.  We both go to bed the night before with good intentions of great things when morning comes, but we know in our minds that these particular days are extremely busy - and we sometimes find ourselves jumping crazily

Monday Just Got Better

We had an amazing, crazy busy weekend, and everyone woke up this

morning like they hadn't slept in three days.

The girls are usually pretty good about getting ready for school, but

-Espy "got attacked" by our dogs while she was trying to feed them and came in

Parenthood Wrecks Me (The First Day of School)

Did you watch Parenthood the other night?  If you didn't, you should - because it's awe-some.  Bill and I don't watch much TV, but if we do - it's rare that we find something we both really enjoy.

Enter Parenthood.

I can't remember a time when I didn't shed at least one tear during the show.

While we're watching - Bill will ask,

A Better ToDo List

I haven't been a very good wife or mom lately.

I like to blame it on lots of things:
not enough sleep
too much sleep
not working out
working out too much
(you can laugh at that one)
not getting enough to eat
eating ridiculously
disobedient girls
loud girls
hyper girls

In times like these, I also enjoy utilizing the if-onlys:
If only,
...the girls would do what they're supposed to do in the morning.
...Bill would help out just a little bit more.
...I woke up 15 minutes ago.

ToDo lists often consume me.
Keeping up with the house can be overwhelming.
Scheduling for a family of six is complicated.
It's not likely that these things will change.

However what I can change is how I react when: 
Espy requests a drawing partner 

Gianna asks me to jump on the trampoline 

Isabella wants to play a game 

Evangeline longs for some cuddle time 

or

Bill urges me to step away from what I'm doing and spend some time with him.

I don't want our girls to know me as the person who checked things off her list,

or my husband to remember how great I was at multitasking.

These are precious times that I'm letting slip away.

I recently read a post (Heather has a great blog!) that referenced this post.  Heather writes,

For 16 years a teacher asked her students to make a list of the things their parents did to make them feel loved and valued.  This teacher kept the writings of her students and compiled them into one list:

1. Come into my bedroom at night, tuck me in and sing me a song.
   Also tell me stories about when you were little.
2. Give me hugs and kisses and sit and talk with me privately.
3. Spend quality time just with me, not with my brothers and sisters around.
4. Give me nutritious food so I can grow up healthy.
5. At dinner talk about what we could do together on the weekend.
6. At night talk to me about about anything; love, school, family etc.
7. Let me play outside a lot.
8. Cuddle under a blanket and watch our favorite TV show together.
9. Discipline me. It makes me feel like you care.
10. Leave special messages in my desk or lunch bag.
    
    Please note that
    walking on a spotless floor,
    participating in every activity known to man,
    and opening a drawer full of freshly laundered (and recently folded) clothing
    didn't make the list.
    
    I'm thankful for a God who always extends grace
    and for four sweet girls and a husband who overflow with forgiveness.
    
    Here's to making more memories like the one pictured above.

So Pretty

We don't routinely tell our girls that they're pretty.

Is that horrible?

It's nothing that Bill and I set out to do before we became parents.  It just doesn't happen.  We tell them we love them - constantly.  We fondly call them buddy (guess who calls them that?), sweetheart, and lots and lots of variations of their names.  I'm sure we've commented on how they look in their little lives - but it's hardly our focus.

The other day, Isabella had on a princess gown and tiara with magic wand in hand.  She was prancing around the house declaring in a sing-song voice,

I'm so pretty.  I am SO pretty.

At three years old, she has more confidence than I have in my little pinky.

I don't want her to lose that - ever.  I want her to wrap herself in His Love that is unconditional and never-ending.  There is no one on this earth that is like Isabella - and if you've met her, you know exactly what I mean.  She is a spitfire of energy wrapped up in a little body - full of so much emotion.

In that moment, when she claimed her beauty - I thought,

Yes!  Yes, you are!

 She is beautiful because He created her in His image.

She is beautiful because there is no one else like her.

She is beautiful because He has a path for her life that is greater
than anything we as her parents could plan out out for her.

She is beautiful because of Him.

Our culture will have plenty to share with our girls in terms of what they look like.

Society will tell them that they're

not tall enough

too short

not thin enough

too fat

not light enough

too dark.

The media will demand that 

that their eyes are too close together

that their nose is turned just so

that their chest is too small

that their hair is too coarse.

Our hope as their parents is to battle against what our culture would have them believe - to instill in them the source of their true beauty.  Perhaps along the way,
their momma will be reminded of hers.

Will you be reminded of yours?

You are beautiful because He created you in His image.

You are beautiful because there is no one else like you.

You are beautiful because He has a path for your life that is greater
than anything you can plan out for yourself.

You are beautiful because of Him.

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes.  Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

I Peter 3:3-4

Sunday Funday

I had a great time with these cuties the other day.

It's been so beautiful - I'm thinking spring might be here to stay?  We're hoping so!

After church, I tried out a new recipe - SO good!

As Espy was eating,

Best Day Ever

It's been starting to feel like spring!  Well, we'll randomly have a snowstorm - but then it'll be 70 degrees the next day so that counts sorta kinda as the commencement of spring, right?  Last week we had a particularly gorgeous day.  The girls and I were super excited.  That evening I started this

To My Parents

Espy and Gianna are leaving that mostly everything we do is adorable stage and becoming little people - with their own distinct personalities.  I often find myself drowning in that world of diapers and potty training and cooking and cleaning - basically just making sure everyone's fed and groomed.  No worries - that's still going on, but Espy and Gianna are throwing something new into the mix.

Now that we have an almost eight-year old and a five-year old, Bill and I are suddenly in a whole

These Are Not New Year's Resolutions

Photo Source

I don't make New Year's Resolutions.
I'm not a huge fan of setting goals, commitments, objectives,

or anything like that when January 1st rolls around

(which is weird because I'm sometimes OCD).

Call me a realist (or maybe even a pessimist?),

but when it come to NYRs - I refuse.
Thanks, but no thanks.

I think part of it might be my Type A personality
(a temperament marked by excessive competitiveness and ambition, an obsession with accomplishing tasks quickly, little time for self-reflection, and a strong need to control situations).

By the way, you wouldn't think I was such a Type A if you saw our house right now -

but that's a subject for another time.

I know myself too well.  At the hint of failure, I'm done.

If I miss one step of the process, I'm out.

If I even sniff doubt in the air, I'm through.

If things don't happen just so in this specified amount of time,

it's obvious that it's not going to get done so why even bother?

It really is a terrible way to view things, isn't it?
I continually pray that He can use my personality for Him,
and that I don't use it as a device to torture my friends and family.

Despite my desire not to voice big plans for 2012,
I still have thoughts on what this year could hold: 

discovering new recipes

bettering my mind

blogging consistently 

getting in shape 

strengthening my relationship with God 

becoming the person (neighbor, wife, mother, friend) that He wants me to be 

We'll see how these intentions pan out.  Until then - thank goodness for a God who still loves me when I fail miserably at my non-resolutions, and for the grace and strength He gives me to reach some of those pseudo-goals.

Here's to anticipating what this New Year holds for all of us!

You Snooze, You Lose

I think she's as tired as I am today!

It's been a busy few days and nights for us here, and I snoozed and snoozed and snoozed this morning as soon as my alarm started going off at 4:45.

Oopsies.

Prison Break

This is what happens when you send your two oldest to play in their room because they're running around like wild monkeys nearly stomping on their baby sister.

You find a note on the floor stating:

Mom

Can we come with evry one else.

I did let them come out - eventually.