Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Maileen's Journey - June 13

Hair Envy, a new weakness or shall I say a new sin.

I would dare say I have never really been one to envy another woman's hair...
or any man's for that matter.

I have however have had the temptation to run my fingers through another's hair (male or female
alike).  But have held back many times because that's pretty, intimate, wouldn't you agree?

I have complained about my own hair and wished it could hold a curl longer in high humidity so I could enjoy a different style from the normal straight look, without using tons of product (I don't
care too much for gel or hairspray)..but definitely didn't wish to exchange
what I was given with someone else's.

I have wished the little v-peak on my forehead's hairline, that is off centered, was centered rather then, well, off centered.

And it does bother me when there are some odd strands that pop up showing that I am getting old.
The good thing is, I can just yank them out and my hair is back to the way it was, happy me.  
Then of course, as I comb, the reminder of ever so many split-ends (...are you reading this?...aren't my complaints silly?).

You know, some have tried to persuade me to color my hair, 'why?' I ask.
Why change something already designed well if it really doesn't need changing?
You can even ask my husband, I really never cared to change the color of my hair...now wear a wig, for fun...most definitely and make it any color...;D

I love the color of the hair God gave me.
It's nearly black but not quite (according to my last 'wigatologist'....hey is that a word?).
I love my naturally placed highlights He gave me, shades of different browns...especially when the sun rays are coming at an angle...
I love that I like to part it on the left rather than the right, it's become a part of me (well that is because of where my little v-peak is on my forehead's hairline). 
It definitely is not perfect hair, but it's beautiful the way God made it...
He is really good at designing variety...everyone is unique.  You are unique.
What He says is good is 'good'.

I should ask for forgiveness...
My complaining is really quite petty and very useless...what a waste of letters and thoughts.

I should praise Him...
God blessed me with thick, silky, nearly-black hair that grows fast.
With what God gave me I have been able to donate to Locks of Love so many times.  
You can't be but thankful when God gives you a small pleasure like that.  He is so good...

So really what was my problem last night...even now...? 

I was watching a movie that is set up to take place before the war back in the 1940's.  
I was noticing the hats they wore and the complicated hairdo's...thinking, that's cute, or wondering how complicated that one would be.  And for a moment I reached up to positon my pretend hat...and would you believe it, feathering strands of my hair caressed my arm softly, just enough that both tickles and chills rolled over me.  My smile changed from a imaginative-giddy-1940's smile to a half-hearted-deep smile of acknowledgement.

I was again all too aware.
Look at that, there in capitalized bold print.  Words God has blessed me to write.  A blessing only a few should receive...and now I am one of them.  

Huh, from that moment on I started to notice just the hair, in the next movie I saw, hair, in the ads, just hair, in the books I was flipping, hair, through people on my online social sites, your hair.  

I started to envy that others have hair...huh?...the 'I don't even notice I have it. (hair)'...
Do all nearly bald people feel this...because I am only NEARLY bald?
I guess I could have a new discussion with my husband?...;D...well that's an interesting topic.

Yes, I know...'It will grow back and soft like a newborn, in fact....
about a quarter of an inch to half an inch a month.'

(I wrote that with sarcasim in mind.)  Yes, yes, yes...it is a blessing that it is not permanent....OR...I would be writing something completely different.
I suppose...
I suppose...this is still the process of the loss...which I am trying to sort out.

My usual intrigue in dress design, costumes and such, and my huge appetite for admiring a variety of embroidery, artistic skills and...the list goes on, is blocked by,....dare I say it... 'hair envy.'

I will confess that I dream of the stylish shoes I would really only wear once and never buy and questions run through my mind of maybe how to design them differently or wonder why that style is classy, definitely of higher quality and the one similar to it not so much.  My mind continually designs, furniture and clothes, toys and food, new approaches to lessons or how to improve a skill...

Yes, these things run through my mind...God created us to be creators with what He has skilled us with...As my husband shares many times when he teaches...we are 'poetries-of-art', I'd say 'living-art', well, he may not say it quite like that, he has a dialogue that goes along that line, though...hahahaha...So, what runs through your mind?...

I agree that what we dwell upon will bear fruit.  Truth is Truth.  We must learn to know God and know His Word so we can respond with our mind.  And our action will need little pushing to act upon it especially with each other.

Yet lately and majorly, yesterday, I have been dead focused on hair....I am going to lose this weakness and go put on a new turban and watch 'Prince of Persia', 'Arabian Nights' and 'Lawrence of Arabia'...or something and try to dream of gorgeous scarves and hats and...
(I will keep telling myself that...)

...did you notice I have not mentioned my wig, well, I honestly can't get the wig thing down, my head hurts from the fall out of strands and trying to style it...anyway...so I didn't include my thoughts on that...it will come soon enough....;D)

Now that I think about why this energy in writing started...it is because I woke up yesterday, when I looked in the mirror after taking off my sleep cap, I saw the one-eyed-doll with electric-spider-legs from Toy Story I, that creeped out from under the bed and with a grin and a soft giggle I said,...'this is what some call a bad hair day'.

I must renew my mind...hair envy is not worth keeping...
Back to Maileen's Journey

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