Just thinking about writing about our oldest gets me all weepy and sentimental. I'm pretty sure everyone knows my MO. I often try to apologize for how easily I cry, but what can I say - it's how God made me - really. If I could choose otherwise, I would - but who am I to say that I know better than Him? Certainly not me. All that to say, whenever I think about Espy and the person that she's growing into - my heart gets all sorts of full.
When she was born, we were over the moon. When she started crying and wouldn't stop,
I wonder what we had done to ourselves.
Are you kidding me?
When am I supposed to sleep?
Why won't she stop crying?
Why does everything still hurt?
Why can't I fit into my jeans?
Who's going to make me dinner?
How can Bill sleep through this?
Don't be confused, we've loved that child from the start - but I truly wondered if we were going to have any more children because it was a rough few weeks from the get-go. Looking back, I was pretty uptight (OCD, anyone? Anyone?). If things were not just so in all aspects of our lives, I felt like a complete failure - my fault, not Espy's. She was a cryer, but I think if I wasn't so nervous about making a mistake with her - maybe she wouldn't have been so stressed?
Regardless, God is amazing because that child is wonderful in spite of her mother. She has her typical "8 going on 16" moments which I'm learning to react to in love instead of the look
(which I'm so good at) that says,
Come here so I can smash your mouth, please
method that is clearly not the way to approach matters.
Espy has the sweetest spirit. She loves her friends and family with all of her heart. She typically has a quiet personality, but she inherited her mom's laugh - and we all know when she thinks something's funny. Espy loves to draw, write, and create - I wish I could draw half as well as she can. I could be biased, but I think her work is amazing.
If Espy isn't telling me about her latest drawing, creation, or story - you can find her playing with her sister(s) or curled up on the couch reading a book. She loves being in the water and doing cartwheels in random places. As I was talking to a friend at church one morning, I saw Espy in the background doing cartwheels - in a dress. I pulled out one of my looks with a quickness,
and she stopped immediately.
When I think about Espy turning nine in February, my mind can't help but jump to the fact that she'll be gone in nine years. That means we're almost halfway through!
halfway through the bedtimes
halfway through birthday celebrating all together
halfway through "Can (one of my sisters) sleep with me?"
halfway through cuddling on the couch
Slightly dramatic? Yes, but true.
Who knows what God has in store for her after high school. All I know is that our job as her parents will be nearly over. We'll always be there for our girls, but that shaping and guiding and directing will be coming to a close, and hopefully Espy will be ready to make those big/important/hard decisions on her own. Until then, I'm going to treasure
the tight hugs around my waist
the big eyes with thoughtful questions
the huge laugh from the tiny body
the art and the stories found all over the house.
Extremely thankful for our Esperanza Charisse.